Being a wife requires WORK! But there are some simple ways you can prepare for marriage by first preparing your mind.
Let’s be clear…
I’ve always known I wanted to be a wife… ALWAYS knew the wife life was for me.
And I was blessed to meet an amazing man who wanted to marry me.
And here I am still learning every single day how to be a better wife
It wasn’t something that was taught to me
And even witnessing my mom married to my dad until I was 15, I still didn’t have an example of the wife I wanted to be
So, like many other millennial women, I am trying to figure this thing out every single day.
If you’re in your first few years of marriage, hopefully, some of my lessons learned below will come in handy for you. And if you’re a wife in waiting wanting to prepare for marriage, you are ahead of the game so go ahead and get your mind right for what’s in store when you accept the honor of being a wife!
Basically, everybody lied when they told you getting married would be a magic pill to solve all your problems.
#1 If you can never be wrong, you should never get married
Trust me, this is a tough pill to swallow. But your marriage will truly be your mirror. In most traditional marriages, your husband will spend the majority of your life with you – sun up to sun down, learning your deepest darkest secrets and being right there with you to navigate that darkness.
Although it is an absolute blessing to have someone by your side, someone committed to doing life with you – that also comes at a cost. The cost is complete transparency. The cost is being completely naked. The cost is laying it all on the line regardless of how fearful or uncomfortable it may be, and accepting every opinion, and potential criticism that comes with it.
No matter how much that man loves you, he is going to be your mirror and he will force you to see you. Marriage is not for the weak, and it certainly isn’t all about a wedding. If you truly desire marriage, be willing to commit to deep daily introspection, reflection, and communication.
#2 Communication is the biggest contributor to the health of the relationship
We often hear how much finances and infidelity impact marriages and often lead to divorce. However, how often have you heard communication being outlined as a reason for such a high divorce rate in our community?
Whether we are talking about personal or professional dealings, effective communication is key. In multiple conversations with Counselors, Therapists, Coaches, and Husbands, the conversation comes back to communication being the culprit in many of the ‘mainstream’ problems i.e. infidelity, mistrust with finances, and more
On this episode of Wife’d Up, Now What? Jeremy Anderson shares his #1 tip to help new wives prepare for marriage, plus tons of other gems to help you grow into the wife you desire to be, based on a husband’s perspective.
Communication issues can arise when we are not willing to fully express our feelings honestly and without fear of judgment which leads to mistrust, secrecy, and ultimate resentment because your needs can never be fulfilled. Other times, we are willing to communicate but we are doing so in an unhealthy or unproductive way.
Before we can effectively communicate with our husbands, we must first identify our own challenges in communication so that we can actively and intentionally work on strengthening those skills. One thing I had to check myself about was waiting on my husband to take the lead in having some tough conversations… simply because he is the man and I expected to submit to his leadership. But, then I had to realize that communication in this way is not his strength in this season so it’s up to me to take the lead in making sure we are doing the hard work to communicate better because it will continue to benefit us for years to come.
You would be surprised how open, honest, and willing to communicate your man will be once you let your own guard down and begin expressing yourself fully. As you prepare for marriage, you should look for ways to become a better communicator. After all, you may have to step up and take the lead one day, too.
You taking the lead may look like scheduling a couples counseling session or even better – making monthly or quarterly marriage maintenance a part of your routine! That way, it’s already on the calendar and you won’t have to rush to schedule one when you’re pissed (been there, done that lol) If you’re religious, you can find a faith-based counselor – here’s ours – you may like them! and if not, you could always find more of a traditional therapist to work with – check out Dr. Jac. She works with women and couples!
#3 Having babies vs raising children
As we prepare for marriage, the topic of children arises at some point.
Usually, when we are discussing kids, the conversation is centered around the baby. We may mention major life milestones, but we are mostly thinking about and talking about the pregnancy. After having 2 babies in 2 years, I have concluded that the more important conversation should be centered around raising children – that is what really matters and that is what impacts your relationship the most.
There are one million child-related decisions to be made daily, and there is a literal lifetime commitment required – and it’s important to get a realistic understanding of what that means and what that may look like for you considering your lifestyle. Before having kids, my husband and I were super spontaneous, could pick up and go, loved hanging out together and enjoying one another, and were absolutely living our best lives. Once we became parents, the priority immediately changed – now the babies are our bosses. Every trip has to be planned well in advance, date nights are few and far between (because good help is hard as hell to find!) and the majority of our disagreements stem from the stress and sleepiness of raising two under two!
I’m out here living and learning every single day, ya’ll. But as I continue to catalog these lessons I’ve learned as a new wife, I will be sure to share them with you so that you can prepare for marriage, the happiest possible one – that you deserve.
If you found this to be helpful, I’m sure you will love my podcasts! Download our ROKU App to watch more.
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Love this.