Sis, let’s talk about it. The red flags? They were always there—we just didn’t want to see them.
After the wild response to my last episode, Stop Letting These Men Manipulate You, I had to keep the convo going. Why? Because too many women are out here confused, hurt, and carrying emotional baggage from men who never deserved their love in the first place. So, I put together a laundry list of relationship red flags—some subtle, some loud as hell—that we tend to ignore, excuse, and even romanticize. Sound familiar?
If you’re tired of wasting your time, energy, and precious heart on the wrong one, this is your wake-up call.
It’s easy to look back and say “I should’ve known,” but in the moment? Those red flags be looking like carnival rides. We let love bombing feel like love. We excuse manipulation as “he’s just passionate.” We pray he’ll change instead of paying attention to what he’s already shown us.
Here’s the truth: Your gut instinct—what I like to call your God instinct—is one of your greatest gifts. It’s time to stop second-guessing it.
He says you’re “the one” on day one? Plans your future together on date two? Sis, that’s not romance—it’s control wrapped in flattery. Love bombing is manipulation in a pretty package. It feels good at first, but it’s all about reeling you in fast so it’s harder to walk away later.
💡 Stat Alert: According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, love bombing is a common tactic in emotionally abusive relationships. Nearly 60% of survivors report experiencing it in the early stages.
If he’s talking sex before talking commitment? That’s a no. Grown men who want something real don’t rush you into intimacy. They respect your boundaries and your body.
Koereyelle Tip: If he’s telling you, “We too grown for games,” what he really means is, “I’m not trying to wait, and I’m trying to manipulate.”
If you’re already “bae” or “wifey” and he doesn’t even know your last name, pump the brakes. Those cutesy nicknames can be a way to fast-track emotional intimacy before it’s been earned.
Wants to be with you 24/7? Always asking where you are, who you’re with? Sounds sweet… until it’s suffocating. Controlling behavior is not love—it’s manipulation.
One minute he’s cool, the next he’s furious—and you don’t know what you did wrong? That’s emotional instability, and it can quickly turn into emotional and physical abuse.
💡 Reality Check: The CDC reports that nearly 1 in 4 women have experienced severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Often, it starts with emotional instability and escalates over time.
If he’s losing it over slow service at dinner or getting mad because today’s Thursday, that’s not passion—it’s a red flag. Emotional regulation is essential in a healthy relationship.
If every convo about commitment, marriage, or the future turns into a vague speech or an awkward joke—he’s not serious. Don’t wait around for clarity. A real man brings peace, not confusion.
If every ex was crazy and he takes no accountability for past drama—guess what? You’ll be his next “crazy” ex. Accountability is key. Without it? You’re signing up to be his therapist and his punching bag.
An “I’m sorry” with no changed behavior is just lip service. Real accountability comes with action.
If he’s already talking about living with you—or worse, needing to live with you—that’s a huge red flag. Real men don’t need to shack up out of convenience. And sis, you are not a rescue mission.
If you’re always the punchline, that’s not playfulness—it’s emotional abuse. If he constantly critiques how you look, what you do, or how you speak, that’s a no-go. You deserve someone who lifts you up, not tears you down “just playing.”
Words mean nothing if the actions don’t match. If he’s promising the world but can’t deliver a decent date, that’s not a man—it’s a walking red flag.
If it’s always someone else’s fault? Nah. He needs to grow up, not just glow up. A grown man admits when he’s wrong and works on being better.
57.6% of women report experiencing psychological aggression in intimate relationships (CDC, 2021).
Women aged 18-34 experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence.
Emotional abuse often precedes physical abuse, making early red flag detection crucial.
You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be protective—of your peace, your energy, and your heart. Don’t settle for someone who’s just around. Wait for the one who brings clarity, calm, and commitment.
If you’re feeling seen right now, that’s because you are. You’ve been doing the work. You’re not crazy, needy, or asking for too much. You’re asking for the bare minimum—respect, honesty, and emotional safety.
Let’s stop settling for potential and start choosing peace.
Whether you’re dating, divorced, or trying to figure out what that “situationship” really is, these red flags can save your soul (and your time). Share this with your homegirl, your cousin, your coworker—whoever needs a reminder that she deserves more.
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Tune in to the next episode where I’ll be sharing GREEN FLAGS (because yes, there are some good men out here!)
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