Everybody lied when they said a vaginal birth would be much better than a c-section.
BIG ASS LIE.
Now, let me preface this birth story blog post by saying: I had a very traumatic birth experience with my first son, Kairo. To make a long story very short – my home waterbirth plans fell through and I ended up at the hospital having a c-section after 26 hours of labor and never even made it into the birthtub. If you want the long story, I recorded an episode on it HERE
After such a traumatic birth, I was honestly scared AF when I found out I was pregnant just 15 months later. I still had PTSD from the first nightmare.
But, one thing I knew was that I would not put the pressure of having the perfect birth plan this time around… after all, it didn’t work out in my favor the first time. In fact, all that unnecessary pressure for things to be perfect just stressed me out. When it didn’t work out, that disappointment led to somewhat of a depression.
But, here we are… back at it again.
My due date with Kenzo was January 26, 2023 but I just knew he’d come late like his brother (who came exactly one week past his due date). So when the date came around, I really didn’t expect any action… and there was none lol. It wasn’t until a little before 5:00 am on Sunday, January 29th that I felt the start of labor pains.
The first contractions woke me up out of my sleep and at first I thought I might’ve been dreaming. It was such a strange, unfamiliar feeling that I was kind of confused about what it was. (I was induced with Kairo so I never felt natural contractions) But when I realized I was indeed awake and felt them again, that was confirmation that something was really happening.
I remember Kendrick giving me a kiss on his way out the door for work around 5:30 am and me telling him I thought I was in labor and to have a great day LMAO.
When it was time to get up, I decided to text my Midwife Christine, and tell her what I was experiencing. Throughout the day she was on deck for the play-by-play and she was telling me exactly what to look for, how to know when things were progressing, and when to go to the hospital. Even though I wasn’t technically her client for this pregnancy, she had become close and was willing to make sure I was ok. (A Godsend!!!)
Sidenote: For this pregnancy, I had already decided I was going to the hospital. Not because I was excited to go back, but because I saw the results of trying to play God and make things happen my way. I learned my lesson the first time that the only ‘perfect plan’ is God’s plan and my only true priority is bringing home a healthy baby. I surrendered to God’s will with a small desire in the back of my head to try for a vaginal birth after cesarian (aka VBAC)
If I’m being honest, I was super disappointed in myself about “failing” to have a homebirth. I had planned for months, taken tons of classes, and really did what I felt I could to ‘be prepared’ and the plan blew up in my face. Not only was I upset that I couldn’t control my birth story, but I was also feeling low-key letdown by my body. For the life of me, I could not understand why my body didn’t naturally go into labor, why I ended up being induced, why my body didn’t do what I had spent months convincing myself that it was meant to do.
So I at least wanted to give my body a chance to do it’s thing this time around. I really needed to prove to myself that I could do it. It was a true ‘show me what you’re made of’ moment that I felt I needed to experience. In some ways, I felt like I cheated by having a c-section and not ‘pushing my baby out.’ And that was an indescribable feeling of defeat. This time, the one thing I consistently told my doctors was that I did not want to schedule a c-section in advance (which they try to convince you to do if you’ve previously had one) I wanted to wait it out and see what my body would do. And at one point, one of the doctors warned me that “you might end up giving birth in a hostile environment if you go against the recommendation” As if all of the environments aren’t hostile TF
…So to go into labor naturally on the 29th … the beginning of the victory I’d prayed for
Contractions are such a strange feeling. Everyone told me they’d feel like cramps, but I couldn’t really relate to that since I never really got cramps before while on my cycle. But after experiencing every stage of the labor process, I can only describe it as your insides being twisted up and released and over lol Ouch!
I was in labor from 5:00 am until I eventually went to the hospital around 8:00 pm. What a fool I was for that decision! I don’t know if I thought I was in a movie or what, but I was in labor all damn day doing the most! I washed & braided Kairo’s hair, cooked lunch, sat in the bathtub for like 4 hours (that was the best relief besides sitting on the toilet!) ordered Chinese food as my last supper and waited too damn late to carry my ass to the hospital.
I waited so late that I ended up in the backseat of our SUV straddled with my face down, a** up in excruciating pain… By the time I got to the hospital around 8:30 pm I was 8 cm dilated and in full-blown active labor (big dummy!) I realized I was not in fact in a movie when I got to the hospital and was not immediately admitted. Nah. They needed to process my ID, and insurance card, take my vitals and get me registered BEFORE even taking me into a room. I literally sat on the toilet in the hospital lobby bathroom until they could take me back because again I WAS IN ACTIVE LABOR
By the time they got me into a room, I was doing my best to remember all that hypnosis birth ish I studied my first pregnancy and baby none of that worked. I couldn’t get pain meds quick enough!!
By 11:00 pm I was 10 cm dilated – shout out to my body for doing her thangggggg – and ready to start pushing. I strained and stretched and pushed with everything I had for 55 minutes until finally, his hair came poking through. It was moments after midnight that he was completely out, making his official birthday January 30, 2023.
Let’s circle back to my original statement though: everybody lied when they said vaginal birth was so much better than a cesarian
LIE.
Yes I had accomplished the oh-so-unheard-of VBAC that everyone claimed was dangerous buttttt
This little boy shredded me to pieces and that poor doctor had to stitch me up like a seamstress. It honestly took at least 30 minutes for her to stitch me up. And I felt that ish when I got home! I couldn’t rotate tucks and ice packs quick enough, the pain was so bad!
& I was pissed.
I had pressed myself so hard to have this ‘natural birth’ and the recovery in my opinion was worse than with my c-section! I could not walk straight or without pain for weeks and that was not my experience before. It was worse in my opinion and just another example of people’s theories not being your reality.
I had also thought the pre-eclamsia I experienced was brought on by the aftershock of the c-section. However, I ended up with it again (a milder case) and had to return to the hospital but just for a few hours versus a whole week like last time!
Moving forward I’m making decisions based on what I feel in that moment. I don’t care what I said before, this is what it is now. I’m giving myself permission to unsubscribe from old beliefs that no longer serve me and the goals I’m going after based on someone else’s opinions.
Now if I ever have another baby, which route would I go? That answer is still unknown! I do not want to risk a bad scar because my first one isn’t bad and I was able to lose that pouch – I don’t know if I wanna risk not being able to. Decisions Decisions. If you’ve experienced a vaginal birth and section, let me know your opinion!! Which was worse?
Wanna see how we celebrated Kenzo’s birthday? Check this out.
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